I consider myself a conniseur of energy bars. I've got a favorite I'll tell you about in a minute, but, for now I've got to warn you about one in particular. I came across it yesterday at the bodega across the street. It's called "Combat Bar".

It caught my eye immediately with it's camouflage wrapper and, judging from the name, promise of post-consumption violence. I purchased it ($1.99) and warned my roommate that we may have to fight when I finished it. Ten minutes later two thirds of the bar lay in the trash, unpalatable. I did, however, have combative inclinations... toward the manufacturer. I've rated many energy bars and this one landed solidly at the bottom of the list. I should have read the ingredients more closely before ingesting "Combat Bar". It had a slight petroleum taste, like fuel oil or tires. Going over it's contents, I think the only source of the unusual flavor may have been the beef glands.

It's possible the cows ingested some chemical sludge that collected in the "glands". I must therefor recommend you avoid any foods containing beef glands. Combat Bar is distributed by: SYMBIONICS of Orlando, FL. Their product is EVIL.

Here's my favorite bicycle chow. It's a mutation of a popular cycle treat. Start with a Tiger Sport brand Real Coffee Rush bar and a jar of Medaglia D'Oro instant espresso coffee. Unwrap bar, place on plate and microwave for 15 seconds. Now that bar is softened, knead three or four teaspoons of the coffee into it. Re-wrap in suitable plastic stuff and you're all set. Use as primary or supplementary (depending on your coffee tolerance) food source during your ride. Enjoy.

Do you have any cycloconsumables to rant about? Tell me.


Back